Suffering a little emotional dualism these days... on the one hand I'm all giggly and stupid about the new boy (and trying to be cautious and not overly invested at the same time)... on the other, I'm working on a document about HIV/AIDS in communities of color and it's making me all frustrated and depressed (and yet I'm hopeful that this kind of work will do some good)... what's a girl to do?

Well it's my birthday today. Feeling a bit silly about that as well. Unlike in years past, I'm not going to have a big goofy party (or 2, as I did last year). This time I'll celebrate with friends in a few weeks (in a delayed big goofy party), but leave tonight for Disneyland. Exactly the sort of place a hyperserious 36-year-old HIV consultant should go. After that, I'll drive down to SD and play with my nephew who's apparently saying my name all the time now. Yippee!

But first, a major conference call about African Americans and HIV. If you haven't, go get tested, y'all. Then break out whatever amount of time and/or cash you can spare and help someone out, HIV-wise or otherwise. The situation is dire and this administration is not helping.

OK. These delays between postings are getting kinda out of hand. I'm going to have to remember to put stuff up. I confess it's easier when I'm not feeling swamped by work, and when I'm in a weirdly osscilating mood. Very different from an osscilating rhythm, let me tell you that.

One blind date, didn't go anywhere. Last week, though...someone who makes me laugh. And who thinks I'm fun and not just silly. Or, rather, thinks that silly is a good thing. Ahhh... dating.

In other massive news: Paul & Tina had a baby! Well, really Tina had the baby, but Paul did as much as he could. Yippee!

oh feeling kinda peppy and kinda stressed. Stressed from work, peppy from a blind date. it went well. We had a drink and called it a night, and i had fun. Nice to feel like I can do that again. Now I'm home, not particularly interested in working (it is 11:20 after all), but feeling like I should. Oh the dangers of working at home, huh?

The judge sent a handwritten note thanking me for being a juror. (I expect that she sent one to all 12 of us, and to the 2 alternates as well). That was a big surprise, but a really nice one. I gather that they have a hard time filling juries right now (spoke to a judge about there being an increase in the number of cases which go to trial) and she seemed truly appreciative of our being there. She also mentioned that we were surprisingly on time and attentive.

Deliberating was really interesting. It reaffirmed my belief in the jury system. We really worked to talk through everything and be sure that each person understood everyone's concerns and then came to a consensus. It was fascinating.

In Philippine news: 12 people will be nailed to the cross in tribute to Jesus on Good Friday; another bomb explodes on a bus, this time in Cotobato (far from Davao, but on the same island); and a defense lawyer likens Estrada to Jesus. This would be a good time to point everyone to Macky's artwork, particularly his drawing of Estrada.

The trial took a turn yesterday. It sounded fairly straightforward, then one witness' testimony, and the judge calls the two lawyers into the chambers, we're suddenly excused an hour early and asked to return the next day (today). It's kind of exciting. When I started I thought it would be interesting to apply my analytical head to a legal situation, but once I was there I really took in the weight of the responsiblity we have as a group for another person's fate. This is case is not a life-or-death thing, but it's still significant for anyone to be called "guilty" or "not guilty" on a felony. It affects how future employers see you, how you see yourself.

I'm very glad to be doing this.

Serving on a jury is interesting. My life is greatly about puzzles, and this is one on a grand scale.

My apartment is coming together. I finally have some artwork on my newly painted walls. Bringing some color and style into the space. Makes me happy. It's feeling a little grown-up, but that's part of me, too. As long as the whimsy doesn't leave the space it'll be ok. Audrey assures me that even if I tried to avoid it, something eccentric would creep its way into the space. I guess that's true, based on others' reactions to my stuff.

I really don't think I'm eccentric at all. But I suppose that's an external description... or at least it should be. No one should tell me that's how they think of me.

My current picture of citizenship:
-- I'm serving on a jury of a criminal case. Unlike most of my friends, I was not interested in trying to get off the jury. If I'm ever on trial for anything, I would want intelligent, working people to decide my verdict.
-- I'm horrified that San Francisco is spending "tens of millions of dollars" on increased security measures to protect our landmarks at the same time I'm helping nonprofits who provide key human services to prepare for severe budget cuts.
-- Election signs are starting to go up around the city and I didn't even know an election was coming. I worry that people may be less willing to vote after the last fiasco when we ended up with our bellicose president.

.... I'm mostly feeling exhausted.

currently sitting in a cafe, working on my own laptop, drinking a nice cabernet. It's nice to have fully restored my "got no strings" life... laptop, wireless network card, and a wireless network at home. Slowly exploring all the cafes in the city that offer wireless DSL.

I have to admit that it was more than a little disorienting to see that a bomb was exploded in the airport out of which I had flown only 2 days earlier. A convoluted sentence for a convoluted situation. Four bombs went off in the greater Davao area that day. Not a good time for my family to be in the hotel business there.

Desperately trying to get oriented. I'm behind in work and distracted by everything that's happening in my world. Must focus on something.

Currently at the Tokyo Narita airport. I think I've just discovered the breaking point in the ratio: 96 hours on the ground is not enough to balance out 48 hours in airplanes and airports. Next time I break 100.

Looking forward to a little G&T and some shuteye on the next flight. Tummy's all filled with yummy unagi and soba... mmmmmm.....

rereading my last post...clear that I'm trying not to get maudlin. working on that a lot right now. Most of the time it works. This morning spent a long time looking at Mt. Apo, watching the clouds gather. Taking that space felt good.