15 years... Reunion was a pretty... uh... interesting experience. It was good to see people, fun to laugh about stuff we did. Very interesting to catch up with old friends, nearly all of whom were talking about their spouses, many of whom were either showing me photos of the kids or telling me their due date. I was also staying with Erik & Shirley and their kids up in Massachusetts, seeing a life that's very happy, and that I did verify I didn't really want. Despite the fact that I've pretty much actively avoided the family life, it was odd to be the only one at my table not married (I was thankful that I met Troy before going so I didn't have the complete loser feeling!). On the other hand, I got this strange feeling that the others felt that I've been the one to keep the dreams we had at Wesleyan alive... through the work that I do, the life that I'm living, the level of exploration I keep up... That was strange. I didn't get the sense of regret from any of them -- their own lives sound quite wonderful for them -- but it seemed as if they were relieved (or curious?) that I was similar to the way they remembered me, and that everything I do and am is in keeping with how I was then.

Also very curious was bumping up against the many holes in my own memory (thank god I didn't do drugs or it would be even worse!). I had dinner with several people that I mostly hung out with sophomore year, and each one remembered some interesting specific things about me -- things which I didn't really remember. In at least one case, I thought it was a misattribution of memory (or, at minimum, a distortion), but in other cases the stories brought home the reality that small gestures make large impressions. I come away reinforced in the belief that I should be giving/helping/enjoying/nice every day, because I never know what it is that someone might need right at that moment, and that there's a chance that I might be able to give it to them. I may even give them what they need without knowing it.

I was sad that I didn't manage to see my family at all while I was there. Bad (late) planning, and memorial day weekend, all conspired against me. I'll have to return soon.

For my birthday, I did something I haven't done in a long time: I was completely unplugged for 3 days! No email, no logging on, no work... It was kindof amazing. I just enjoyed Disneyland & playing. Actually took a weekend, and then added a day. Pretty dang nice. Also just great to feel goofy and fun and with friends who are the same.

I also made the request for donations of time/money to nonprofits my big birthday wish and lots of folks came through. It was so cool! Getting emails and phone calls about who donated what to where. I loved it.

Now getting ready for the 15-year college reunion. Whew! What's that going to be like?

Suffering a little emotional dualism these days... on the one hand I'm all giggly and stupid about the new boy (and trying to be cautious and not overly invested at the same time)... on the other, I'm working on a document about HIV/AIDS in communities of color and it's making me all frustrated and depressed (and yet I'm hopeful that this kind of work will do some good)... what's a girl to do?

Well it's my birthday today. Feeling a bit silly about that as well. Unlike in years past, I'm not going to have a big goofy party (or 2, as I did last year). This time I'll celebrate with friends in a few weeks (in a delayed big goofy party), but leave tonight for Disneyland. Exactly the sort of place a hyperserious 36-year-old HIV consultant should go. After that, I'll drive down to SD and play with my nephew who's apparently saying my name all the time now. Yippee!

But first, a major conference call about African Americans and HIV. If you haven't, go get tested, y'all. Then break out whatever amount of time and/or cash you can spare and help someone out, HIV-wise or otherwise. The situation is dire and this administration is not helping.

OK. These delays between postings are getting kinda out of hand. I'm going to have to remember to put stuff up. I confess it's easier when I'm not feeling swamped by work, and when I'm in a weirdly osscilating mood. Very different from an osscilating rhythm, let me tell you that.

One blind date, didn't go anywhere. Last week, though...someone who makes me laugh. And who thinks I'm fun and not just silly. Or, rather, thinks that silly is a good thing. Ahhh... dating.

In other massive news: Paul & Tina had a baby! Well, really Tina had the baby, but Paul did as much as he could. Yippee!