NORAD TRACKS SANTA 2007

NORAD TRACKS SANTA 2007

OK. I was amused & intrigued enough to check out the partnership between Google and NORAD (the arm of the government tasked with tracking & then shooting down missiles etc). But I did then immediately start to question why our government is spending money on this. You know, a marketing ploy to lie to children through a seriously extended joke.

Then again, there's that part of me which check out the Santa Tracker and felt bad for all those parts of the world that it looks like Santa missed. He did make it to Madagascar and it looks like he carpet bombed Papua New Guinea, but Algeria and Mongolia were skipped completely. I mean, I know he only has one night, but don't those children deserve a fly-by, too?

Journey-Don't Stop Beliving (ZOO BAND)

The video of Arnel Pineda that changed his life...

Filipinos' special talent

Here's a story that I love in so many ways:

Arnel Pineda, a Filipino living in Quezon City, has been picked up to be the new singer for Journey. He was scouted via YouTube, where videos of him fronting his cover band, The Zoo, were posted. Pineda's voice is so like Perry's it's astonishing.

As an extra bonus, I was told about this event by the director of a film I'm producing who's currently living in China and spotted it in a Shanghai blog.

For those of you who have been spared my rhapsodic waxing regarding the special talent of my people, here's a summary: They are the most talented imitators on the planet. Now this is a generalization and it certainly borders on stereotype (or just plain lives in that world comfortably), but I swear it's true. One of the main exports of the Philippines is cover bands. Visual artists within the Philippines know that any original work has a limited lifespan before it is replicated with crazy accuracy and mass-marketed. Filipinos' skill as actors and dancers is also remarkable. As a people, they are incredibly artistic and bizarrely capable of replicating just about any art form.

Now, the downside is that they're not particularly well known for invention or originality. Very few push the boundaries of just about anything. Also, while able to imitate the skill of things, they don't always hook into the thought or emotion which originally generated that art form. There are, of course, exceptions to this. The rate of, say, original composition might be comparable to that rate in the States compared to the general population, but it's notably low compared to the percentage of Filipinos with musical talent.

But this is off the joy which inspired this post in the first place. I love that technology helped to once again collapse historical geographic boundaries. I love that Arnel Pineda, a Filipino imitator of note, has been given the chance to live out his rock star dreams. I love the odd validation of the talent of a good cover band.

The Shanghai blogger chose the right title: Don't Stop Believing.

understanding the source

The source -- or at least a big part -- of my stress is a sense of being out of control. This week I put some more effort into organizing, getting things under control, and while the number of tasks has not reduced (actually increased), I am not quite as freaked out anymore.

This is a lesson that I learned in scuba which I need to remember at all times. When something goes wrong, stop, breathe, think and THEN act.

needed: discipline

I am clearly overextended. Things like relaxing, seeing friends and dating feel inefficient and self-indulgent. Tasks like cleaning and shopping are completely knocked off the list. I realize that all of these activities are necessary for my mental well-being, but I don't know how to handle accomplishing the many things I need to do for the work that I have set up for myself. And there's the catch. This is a situation of my own creation, reinforced by the reality that I really enjoy everything I'm doing and that my current activities are what I have been work towards for a long time. I am also impatient and unwilling to postpone undertaking any of these tasks because the opportunities are here now and I want to take them.

And so, I need to institute more discipline into my life. Mornings need to be organized. The whole day must be organized. I know that I can do all of this. It is not an option to say no. I must also somehow work in some delegation, I know, but for right now that's on the list of things I still need to figure out.

clarity feels good

In the past few days I've initiated 3 difficult, awkward and potentially painful conversations. I felt the need to be direct and honest in order to preserve the relationship that I had with each person, and to give them information they needed to be able to make decisions for themselves.

It's always so hard to bring up difficult subjects. Fear of what they'll think of me or the damage that it might cause to what we have so nearly stops me. It certainly has stopped me in the past. But I learn over and over that it's so much better to be clear and direct -- and that generally my relationship is improved. If not, if they're not someone who I can be open with, then perhaps they're not someone that I want to have personal conversations with at all.

This impulse towards honesty is moderated, however. As I talked about with one person this weekend, honest is different from brutal honesty. Honesty that comes from a place of love, from caring about the other person, is very different from "I'm going to tell you this because I want to talk no matter whether or not you can hear it." I strive to stay away from the selfish version of honesty.

I didn't know how or when to bring these topics up, but knew that they had to be discussed. I gave up trying for the perfect time in favor of not causing undue delay. I was, in each case, afraid. But then I was rewarded with excellent conversations and a deeper closeness afterwards. Today I feel weights removed from my shoulders and smiles coming easily.

I am amazed by how much my life is changed by trying to consciously surround myself with people who want to have this kind of clarity and openness in their lives. I feel very lucky to be in the world that I'm in right now.

Clockwise. Counterclockwise. Destroy.

This morning I irreparably damaged one of my nicest pans by turning the burner on to "high" when I was finished instead of "off." I was alerted by the pungent smell of plastic -- which I initially dismissed, attributing it to the ever-present construction next door. I finally realized what was happening and dashed into the kitchen to see the sad sight of the handle forlornly slumped over, bleeding out its toxic innards onto the once-clear glass cover.

Yesterday afternoon I was telling co-workers that my brain has become too fragmented. I recalled H's insightful comment that my life was understaffed. It is becoming clearer that my being a solo act in all things is not optimal.

believing in love

When completing a profile for Facebook, one section says "Religious views:" I appreciate that they left it open ended -- not a drop-down menu -- so you can fill it in any way that you want. I automatically left it blank and just skipped ahead.

For some reason in the last few days I've been thinking about it. Really the only thing that I can say is that I believe in love. "Religious views: I believe in love." I resisted putting that in because it sounds so hokey and romantic. It sounds girly. It sounds silly, insipid, naive.

Well...OK. Truly I don't know how it sounds. That's just what I think it might sound like. And that projected perception is in conflict with my (self-)image of being sharp, intellectual, a little tough, strong. This is an image which arises naturally out of both my self-reliance and my intellect. I am associated with dry wit, complicated texts, aggressive sports, high risk. Then again, that's a self-image which I think is incomplete, which I think helps to cut me off from others a little, which leads to isolation.

The truth is that I am all that and am still soft and sparkly inside. I hold on dearly to memories of romantic things I've done for others or which have been done for me -- and that I find it confusing that I frequently date people who are not romantic, or are not romantic in the quirky artistic way that I really adore. I dream of things like returning from a hard day climbing a multipitch route to find the path home lined with jars of fireflies and an invitation to release them back into the night together. And I am not ashamed that people might think that I might like that.

And the other truth is that the love I believe in is not romantic love. When it comes to a religious belief, I mean that I believe that if we all focused on love, if we all just thought about how to best express love for each other, then the world would be a happier place. I believe in community, connections, a foundation based on "we" not "I." If we could think about loving without owning, a love that doesn't have the counterbalance of hate or fear or jealousy, a love that was just giving and trusting, then I believe that all good things would follow out of that. It's not easy to do. You have to believe that there's enough love to go around. And I do believe in that.

remarkable

Remarkable is a word which I really should use more often. There are times when I say "awesome" or "incredible" when really all I mean is that the item is worthy of noting, that it deserves a remark, not that it really is particularly great or terrible or truly deserving of anything approaching a superlative. It is, quite simply, remarkable.

I was reminded of this word by a friend just a few nights ago and I have not forgotten it. I was struck both by the pure appropriateness of that word choice, as well as by the familiar feeling that I know so many more appropriate and specific words than I utilize. I believe it is time to reinvigorate my verbalized vocabulary.

The danger of overwhelm

The pressure now is to get moving on several fronts. I know I can, I know I've done it before... but the problem is overcoming friction to get into motion. This is always a dangerous period for me. Once everything's going it's easier. Always.

I find this is also where it's hard for me to be so much on my own. Working independently. Living alone. Single. It's harder to act on the plans.

I like partnerships. Yes, they are hard for me but I still like them.

everyone has their own experience

For years people who go to Burning Man have been encouraging me to go. Usually they're simply surprised that I have never been. Many have told me about the kinds of personal revelations that they experience there. They describe the community, the art, the way that their entire world view is altered through the experience. They talk about the freedom, the sex, the physicalness of it all. People think I'm already a burner because the way that I see the world and the way I live my life basically fits into their new world view.

I'll let you in on a little arrogance I have: When I would hear from some really (or formerly) straight-laced person about how BM changed their views, I would think that was really great for them, but that I didn't need BM to do that for me. I am able to challenge myself right here in the city. And some of what they're talking about is simply what I have always believed and what has always set me a little apart. I retained a frustration that the kind of community and freedom which was celebrated at Burning Man stayed on the Playa or stayed somehow locked within communities and still hasn't managed to seep into the general world. And so I couldn't really see why I "needed" to go.

And now I'll let you know about a little problem I have: In preparing to go to BM this year (although not only then) I had a hard time knowing that I was going to do something and spend money on something which was entirely just for fun. It felt self-indulgent, selfish. And therefore unnecessary. I have a tendency to feel guilty and wrong whenever I do something which is unproductive, which is just for me. Something which does not benefit others, improve my body/mind or which is simply hedonistic & solo. (The "solo" is a big thing here -- if I am with others then that alone makes anything ok).

And so I left for Burning Man with a resolve to avoid taking on responsibility, to immerse myself in an environment in which everyone is supported in saying exactly what he/she wants to do and then doing it, to give in to my impulses. And I expected no revelations or transformation. It was a challenge. I wanted to see what it was like to spend a few days just listening to me.

The release for me came in the form of a sandstorm. I had been there for less than 24 hours. I went with my group out on our art car, an exposed trailer decorated a la rainforest with a DJ set-up. We were out on the Playa when the wind gathered speed and whipped up the dust bringing a total white-out which lasted for hours. And I did exactly what I wanted to do: I danced. We had a dance party in the middle of a storm and I spun and stomped and reveled in the rawness of it all. I was covered in dust, running in the sun, sweating, and grinning wildly under my dust mask and goggles.

That night I danced exuberantly in the open air and rode my bike all over the playa. I lay down in the dirt, stared at the stars, exulted in the hugeness of it all.

On the second day, when we were hit by another intense white-out, I was left alone in the camp and I went walking. I searched for the right place to be. I passed people holed up in their shelters, taking refuge in Center Camp, covering themselves up. It started to rain. I walked in the middle of the street. I joined a group dancing outside on the Esplanade. When the wind died down a double rainbow stretched across the playa from the Man to the mountains and then became clearer and sharper until we could see the elusive violet and it looked like a triple rainbow. I danced away from the group and towards the rainbows.

And so it continued. I had no revelations of community. I loved the art and wanted everyone there to find a way to bring that creativity into their everyday worlds without fear. I talked with a guy during a dust storm who was wearing a cute black skirt and no top who confessed he had arrived wearing a polo shirt and cargo shorts. I told him he looked really cute and fantastic. I hope that his wardrobe in the outside world will at least contain more colors now. But the overwhelming feeling for me was one of comfort and familiarity. I understand why they say "Welcome Home."

But more than anything I remembered. I remembered that I have always loved being physically connected to the earth. I remembered the joy that I have when I go spelunking and end up covered in mud. I remembered why I am always taking off my shoes, particularly when I eat. I remembered why I strip the moment I get home. I remembered the feeling of sun on salt covered skin and falling asleep in the open air without even a tent wall to separate me from the breeze. I remembered why I am always opening windows and turning off air conditioning. I remembered stories about my dragging a bucket outside and standing in it to take a shower in the rain when I was very young. I remembered spending hours and hours as a child holding on to trees and staying very still so I could feel the vibrations between myself and the forest. I remembered why it is that my body is powerful.

And I realized that the dangerous part of me that I have been afraid of is not that I am sexual. I have felt the pressure to control that which is animal. And what I take away from the week is that there is no reason for me to be tamed.

coconut water better than gatorade!

Of course with BM coming up, I'm all into learning more about re-hydration. Turns out that whenever you're feeling your electrolyte count dropping, you should reach for a young coconut water instead of a Gatorade or Powerade or whatever other neon colored drink you normally crave. It's not likely to cause stomach upset and is just as effective. And all natural! (This info verified in a research article reported by National Institutes of Health)

hovering

I feel somehow like I am hovering just off the ground, that there's a thin layer of air between my body and everything around me. In my work, I am between things, great things are about to start but have not yet started. Past projects are nearly done but have not quite let me go. Socially I am reconnecting with people, but am stuck permanently in the present participle, not connecting long enough or regularly enough simply to be connected. In dancing, in climbing, I am repeatedly starting again after a break -- the length of the breaks are shortening, but it's so different from how I once was there's no way for me to think that I'm back.

And then there's dating. There is where I understand that air has mass, that there is a distinct cushion of vibrating molecules bouncing around between myself and others. I want someday to reach through that space to actually touch another, to merge boundaries, to feel the exchange of electrons, to trust that. But to do that, I think -- somewhere -- I have to land.

Karaoke Time: Baby Got Book

Audrey sent this video to me. She found it on GodTube. I'm inclined to think it's brilliant. It's also hilarious. And disturbing. I don't know if it's effective. But now I have heard of the Momentum Church... Where the heck is my KJV?

shiny green, sparkly orange

Unsurprisingly, I have decided to take on a crazy task with little to no time to finish it. Having nearly completed the basic level of prep that I need to do to get to Burning Man, I have succumbed to my inner drag queen and am busily attempting to make costumes. Yes, I am just getting started now. But seriously, how could I fight the vision of shiny chartreuse pants as a base with various sparkly orange pieces to layer on top? Once that sort of thing gets in your head you just have to manifest it in the real world. This is just to augment the pink & white glitter top & mini ensemble that I had lying around. My bike has been a happy sparkly pink & yellow for a while & sometimes a girl just has to live up to her wheels. It's just too bad that the little disco ball ornaments I used to have on it flew off once when I hit a speed bump...

lesson: stay open

Again and again I re-learn that I simply need to keep myself open. My world is magical and it always has been. As a child I used to practice having my "neutral" face be one that was approachable. I have always known that this is the better way to be.

This morning I was looking for sources for meditation. I am trying to bring that into my life, wanting to do it more formally than my current attempts. After poking around online for a while I took a break and went outside. I was on my sidewalk, checking my sun shade for holes. A woman rode by on her bike. She called out, "Are you going to Burning Man?" I said, "Yes! It's my first time!" She grinned and waved happily. "Bring lots of water!" Then a moment later, "Bring lots of color!" I smiled and waved back. She continued on her way down the street.

My sunshade was up and it looked perfect. Pretty excellent for a chance used purchase.

The woman returned. She came back to tell me about a meditation area that she'll be supporting at BM, inviting me to join them. Her name is Radiant Jewel.

There have been many times that a stranger arrived to invite me to an event or to just share a thought. If I stay open, if I know and say what I need, I am open to magic.

my doc subject is getting into the news

Working up a doc about this company, Zivity. I love their approach and am very excited to see how it plays out!

read more | digg story

Femi Kuti show

Last night I went to see Femi Kuti... The show was amazing! The music was incredible. Layers and layers of sound. We were also blown away by how much energy they put out constantly during their 2+ hours onstage. The dancers stopped moving only to towel off. Femi really is a charismatic and incredible performer.

If you don't know the band, you should check them out.

Winner again!

INaction won "Best Use of Prop" and "Best Cinematography"!!!! Aaron -- the screenwriter -- can take credit for the first, and for creating a scene I never even would have imagined! Jeremy -- the cinematographer -- is hugely deserving of his award & more!

If you still haven't seen my film, you can check it out online:
On YouTube
On Dovetail
The full HD version is downloadable through Dovetail (but works best on a Windows machine or an Intel Mac)

The 48 Hour Film Project: San Francisco

Our film won the Audience Choice Award for our group! Whoo hoo! So we will be screening on July 18th at the Award Winners show. Come on out! Details at: The 48 Hour Film Project: San Francisco

47:59 Hour Film Project delivered

We finished! I am amazed. With 13 minutes left before the deadline, the disk finally finished burning. Jeremy -- who is from LA -- drove my '92 Tercel like a stock car racer while Danielle called out directions from the back seat and I sat in the front with a laptop checking the disk. We hit endless red lights and got stuck behind proverbial Sunday drivers. We became more determined, Jeremy pushed it harder, and we whooped and screamed. One block away, my watch flipped over to 7:30. As we approached the corner, Danielle repeated "It's still 7:30. It is still 7:30!" over and over. Jeremy turned the corner and slowed down. I couldn't wait. I unhooked my seatbelt and jumped out of the moving car, waving the disk in the air as I raced toward the door where the competition producer, JD, stood with a watch and a clipboard. I raised my watch hand and called out "IT IS STILL 7:30!!!" JD smiled and pointed to his wrist as I threw myself across the threshold, saying "It's 7:29 on my watch..."

We made it, with only one minute to spare. Oh sure, as hyper competitors, we had already submitted our film at 6:15, but that version did not have our completed sound design. We did not want to settle for low production values. This was the real film, the one that had to get in. Now it's up to the judges.

In 63 hours, I had taken two 1/2 hour naps. We had written and tossed out 3 scripts, finally settling on the concept late on Saturday morning. We left for filming at 1 p.m. with a couple of pages in hand while the screenwriter shut himself up in the bedroom cranking away to complete the script before he left for his job waiting tables at 4 p.m. We shot until 6 a.m., running the footage back to the editor starting at 6 p.m. In the course of filming we had run out of battery, used up the gas in the generator, went hungry when a homeless man made off with the crew's pizza, and stood freezing in the bathroom-free alley that was our location while people searched for the key for the car which was our main set so we could move it to light the next sequence. Our HD footage proved difficult to transfer to disk for delivery and repeatedly came out squeezed or unplayable. We had trouble contacting our composer in the final hours. I almost fell off my chair mid-sentence talking with the editor. The file transfers to our sound editor pushed deadlines beyond imagining, making us only more desperate.

I guess it was a real 48HFP experience.

I still want to do it again.

output time

I have time to write now because we're in output mode. This is always the scary -- scarily time consuming -- part. So first we argue about all the best ways to deal with it, then we experiment, and we are zombies watching the blue thermometer of progress as it crawls across the screen. It's a relative victory when the progress crawls a little faster.

We managed to do a good film! I confess I'm kind of surprised. This process has been a continual struggle, filled with emotion, technical issues and delays.

I hope I hope we get it all done in time.

T-3:18

countdown time. must finish in order to start rendering. We're close. It's pretty scary.

26 hours in

Filming today so far has gone well. My team really pulled together after a serious script struggle and we had a lot of fun filming. Now it's quiet for a bit while we pull in footage and wait for one of the leads to get out of the play he's in. Next round of shooting starts at 11 p.m. OK. Back to work.

13 hours in

It's after 8 in the morning and I've been up for 28 hours. We're struggling with the script. This hurts.

Countdown to 48 Hours

Tonight the 48 Hour Film Project starts again. Several people are curious about this process so I'm going to try to post periodically as the film comes together. For those who don't know what the 48hfp is: it's a competition in which we get an assignment Friday night (tonight) at 7 pm and must turn in a completed 4-6 minute film on Sunday night at 7. I'm directing.

Last night I intended to sleep quite a bit and even went to bed early (11 pm). I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly but then woke up at 4 a.m.! I guess I'm pretty excited. I spent a long time trying to fall back asleep, but it was hopeless.

It's odd to be up so early. I did a bunch of things and then felt behind on my day but it was not even 8 yet. I guess I am getting ready for the 48. I'm already out of sync.

One of my favorite documentaries

I saw "The Ocularist," a short film film about a man who makes prosthetic eyes at the 2003 Sundance Festival and I have been thinking about it ever since. I mentioned it at the Doculink meeting recently and finally decided to see if I could find it. I'm so happy you can see the Ocularist at Atom Films!

I have a very good life

This is what I've been thinking about lately: I have a very good life. No matter what has come my way, I have always found a way through it -- and I have never had to do that alone. I have wonderful friends. I have a good family (even when we're strained it's mostly because they're either concerned about me or worried for themselves). I have always been able to do work that is creative and fulfilling. I get to laugh a lot.

If anything, I am so self-protective that I don't let in as much goodness as is possible and available to me. I need to be less guarded.

I want to thank everyone for filling my life with good things and with love. Have a wonderful 2007. I will!