I must confess a certain level of excitement about the current word, "illeist." I have been an illeist signator for ages, amused by letting people know a little addiitonal information or cracking a bit of a joke at the end of an email. I never knew the word for someone who did anything like that. So today I'm a bit thrilled.

--cianna, who is quite a nerd at times, but enjoys it.

like diagonal pedestrian crossings, I also really love turning left on red (from one-way to a one-way). Something that feels illegal but isn't.

Had an excellent day with Tyler today. Will post photo or two if they warrant it. More to come.

i seem to be constantly craving caffeine. i think i may be craving being awake and excited.

...definitely a little dispirited and exhausted by my work right now. I'm looking forward to wrapping up a contract or two so that I can focus better. I was recently asked what was up with the book that I'm writing... Made me frustrated because I have not been able to work on it at all. Not even able really to start [resisting the dangling participle but that sounded weird] the research that I have to do for it. Sometime. I dream of a time that I make enough money that I have some saved, that I don't panic about the rent, that I'm caught up with the IRS, and that I have enough time to do some of the projects that I've laid out for myself. Dreams. Yes, I dream of being able to do more work, not of being able to do no work. I just can't picture myself spending a tremendous amount of time lying around... I've got way too much to do for that.

OK. So I'm a doting aunt and really what I want to show you is my nephew. So here's Tyler!



I'm all excited that I get to see him again next week! I have a Tyler day on Tuesday. Yippeee!

oops. I guess I have to clean up my room, huh? Way too much in his reach right now.

Now possible for me to post images, so I thought I'd share my favorite catch from my mullet hunt on Pride Day:


too bad you can't read the poster in the background...it reads "Gay Shame!"

Tonight I'm:

-- feeling pain in my ankle after tonight's tango class (injured it rock climbing last year)
-- looking at websites to decide on new equipment for diving
-- trying to plan out the documentaries I'm supposed to be working on
-- figuring out how to get started making a new pop-up book
-- debating whether or not to go on a swing-dancing weekend
-- still doing some work (at midnight!) on a strategic plan for an arts nonprofit
-- planning a time to get to my aunt's house to fix her computer
-- feeling like I haven't been doing much, while knowing that's not really true
-- sipping a little Maker's Mark on the rocks
-- laughing at the idea that I'm supposed to be slowing down "at my age"

...in contrast to yesterday...

I found myself telling people that I completed the certification. I thought a lot about what we learned. I described the steps of different rescues to a couple people who were interested. Weirdly, even without doing it again, my confidence level about my own abilities are increasing. Now to physically practice a bit more...

Diver! I can help you! Are you ok?

I am now a certified rescue diver. I sincerely hope no one around me needs mouth-to-mouth resucitation in the water or otherwise needs serious help from me until I get to practice these skills some more. I do take this stuff seriously, but the PADI certification system for certs below the level of divemaster seem a little sketchy at times. At least I took the course with a group that all feels like they want to practice some more and we're going out on dives periodically together so I will get a chance to.

This group also wants to join me on a trip to the Philippines in March. I am very excited to go with other divers and head back to the spots that I wasn't fully able to explore before since I was not as experienced as I am now. However, I watch the news nervously, somewhat expecting that the troubles in Zamboanga are going to spill out over the rest of Mindanao -- particularly Davao. Reinforced my decision not to go back for Christmas -- if they're targeting Christians & Americans the holiday season seems to be potentially quite bad for me (and others) to visit. I don't usually make decisions like that, but this time the bombings seem to be in escalation mode.

However, March is a ways away and I can pin my hopes on that. Will be nice to dive in warm water again!

a weekend in the 'burbs

This weekend I remembered:
--I find washing a car really satisfying (when you have a hose and driveway to use)
--How easy it is to come home and take laundry out of the dryer
--It's fun to play with a dog
--What it's like to sit in a hot tub looking at the stars
--That it's easier to sleep when there are no sirens or yelling drunk people
--How it feels to walk out your front door and like the smell

My weekend in the suburbs (house/dogsitting for my parents) was a nice break. I don't think I could take the isolation full time, but it was nice to think about.

I love San Francisco

Tonight had a great & fun dinner at Vino with my aunt and my cousin. The dinner was good, our conversation was good, and the waiter/ piano player/ host/ improvisational drummer was FABULOUS! At first, with his abrupt and nearly unintelligible command for us to sit at the open tables near the piano, I though he was brusque, rude, promising an unpleasant evening. He then shifted us from there to a regular dining table on the main floor (3 steps down and less than 10 tables total), and his manner made us laugh and think he was just odd. As the evening wore on, more of his personality displayed itself. First he took our orders so quickly, it surprised us. We realized how accustomed we had become to waiters suggesting an appetizer, a drink, etc. This guy (named "Castro Ascarrunz" I learned from the review) simply wanted to bring us only what we asked for. Surprising and somewhat refreshing. Then, after our food was served, he sat down and played a few pieces on the piano. A rather eclectic collection of Bach pieces followed by "Memories" from Cats, and a couple classical standards that I couldn't name. Still later one of the pieces of background music apparently worked for him and he started playing playing drums with a couple of pens on the edge of the bar and some wine bottles. A few regulars arrived and bursts of conversation flew across tables to the bar and the kitchen. The ultimate for us, however, was right at the end. A mambo is playing over the speakers, Castro pulls out one of those ratchety percussion instruments whose name I always forget, then grabs a pair of drumsticks and plays a little solo on the espresso machine, then on the bar, then on the collection of bar bottles. His grin was totally infectious and we just all started laughing.

I think I have to go back. Especially since, in addition to all this fun, the food was very good and very reasonably priced. What a city.

my mind is scattered. trying to figure out how I want to live my life. Making decisions about that in advance is not my strong suit -- which is funny since I'm regularly hired for my planning abilities, able to help others visualize their futures for 3-5 years. I need a planner to help me figure out my own stuff. Biggest problem, really, is that I don't like feeling as if I'm cutting off options. This approach has worked well for me so far, in that I've experienced and learned all kinds of very cool things because I leave myself open to taking possibilities when they come up. (I truly feel that we are all offered a lot of options, but we frequently don't recognize them, or haven't set ourselves up in a way that lets us take advantage of them). Need to start doing a little scenario planning, SWOT analyses, pro/con lists or something to organize my thoughts and set priorities. Use my own tools.

My environment an external barometer of the state of my head... currently my room is an utter disaster.

feeling a little overwhelmed, thought about the word overwhelm, about the word underwhelm, wondered if you could just be whelmed? looked it up in the dictionary. Apparently whelm means: to engulf, to submerge, to overwhelm. That's ridiculous. Since when does a word mean an extension of itself?

OK. I've taken on a new project. (I know you're not surprised). I'm now not only able to capitalize on my 12 years of HIV prevention experience/thinking, but I'm also using my past 2 years of organizational development and capacity building training. I had no idea how much I was going to learn when I agreed to be a lead consultant for an HIV agency for 3 years. I knew that I didn't know what I needed to know. I knew that I needed support to make it possible. And I knew that I was going to be able to learn it all but needed to do that as quickly as possible. CompassPoint has been an amazing support for me, allowing me to learn on the job in a really intense situation. I'm still way behind on my reading about management strategies, effective communications, cross-cultural strategies, board development, etc.

So I'm now trying to figure out what HIV agencies need (1) to be effective when implementing a prevention for positives program, (2) to remain stable and in business if there's a major funding cut, and (3) to avoid significant leadership and staffing turnovers. Each of these will be distributed kind-of widely. Like throughout California. So I'm feeling excited and nervous and like my brain is definitely firing all neurons at once. It's a massive electrical storm up there.

Thinking I might have to move after all. Thinking it would be nice to be more financially solvent and have some savings. Thinking that it would be nice to unpack somewhere. Thinking that I'm getting tired of moving.

Extra annoyance this morning that now the tub is blocked up and not draining. Add this to the freezer that isn't sealing right so everything in there gets a nice frost. My landlord feels that he keeps this place in "excellent condition" thereby justifying the high rent. I beg to differ.

I really don't want to have to move. Ick.