5.20.2006

anarchy inside

Yesterday I was told: "You have an anarchy inside you." It was meant somewhere between fact and compliment, the voice of one attracted to that quality but who finds it uncommon. I was very pleased and repeated it to myself. Now I repeat it to you. I was told this in the context of talking about how we live our lives and the kind of art we like to do. I become both wistful and inspired remembering when I felt completely immersed in doing something creative. I feel that I may again have this feeling and perhaps not in the too distant future. And that thought makes me giddy and impatient, while experience tells me that I can't force it and my time now is best spent assembling all the tools I will need when the time comes. I feel both inside and outside myself, uncertain and confident. I wonder what will happen next?

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