Doing laundry really is satisfying. One thing that you should NOT do, however, is wait to wash things that went into the ocean. oooh stinky!

speaking of stinky, some of my pet peeves (because that's the kind of mood I'm in right now), in no particular order:
1) stinky hippie guys, especially the one at the hip hop club last night who was so rank that we (dancing near him) started to feel ill -- and that he seemed to stay near us for a while
2) the silent treatment (currently experiencing this from my roommate and it bites)
3) public displays of moodiness
4) people who can't park
5) William Wegman
6) beginning leaders who curtly tell me what move I *should* have done when we're dancing instead of considering that I might not have been able to follow their lead. This especially sucks when they then give me a little lesson on the dance floor or if they had risked injury with their lead. A part of me always hopes that they then see me dancing later with an advanced lead and realized that I'm an advanced dancer.
7) my feeling guilty all the time about something. it's true. I do feel guilty all the time about something.
8) people who say they hate an entire cuisine based on one experience and are unwilling to try again
9) online flaming
10) once again: the silent treatment. without talking about it or a good old-fashioned fight, how are we supposed to get past the issue?

That's enough for now. Time to get dressed for dancing.

not acting my age

it can be fun. Last night went out to hear some hip hop dj's. At one point in the evening I wondered why I was supposed to give that up? And then, looking at my general behavior this past week (lots of dancing and staying up until 2,4,or 5 in the morning), I think it's no wonder that I don't generally get attracted to people who are mature (then get infuriated when they're not. good combo). At some point I have to stop behaving like I'm in my 20s but I'm not sure when that is. (I did tell my dad the other night that I'm getting used to the idea that "growing up" does not necessarily mean "getting boring"). I do enough serious stuff in my work... Besides, maybe this is the end result of having spent a lot of my youth having to be pretty dang responsible and adult-like. Or maybe I'll end up being one of those pathetic older women who never dresses or acts their age.

feeling out of sorts, which happens to me somewhat frequently. Pretty much related to spending too much time alone (and since I work at home this does come up). My work world feels very successful, and like I'm about to become far more successful in the near future. I feel as if just about everything else in my world either is in flux or should be.

I'm currently dissatisfied with my household and that doesn't help. Feeling like just packing up everything and moving to LA. I don't fully know why there (there are contributing factors, but they are not all-consuming).

I've been sitting here, writing away and then erasing it because friends read this. So you are getting the edited version. A different dynamic of the average blog, where people are writing to the world at large without knowing who their readers are. Koji & I talked about this a bit at the beginning, but I'm noticing it especially today since I've actually erased things.

Maybe I just need to go do my laundry and then I'll feel better.

becoming a documentary maker

I was not feeling so great about the stuff that I shot in the Philippines for this documentary about the dance instructors (DIs), but on Monday night I showed some of the clips to Audrey & Nan (the only two who showed up for the documentary salon) and now I feel better. There's definitely something there. In the gadget accumulation category, I have to get better microphones with greater flexibility. But at least some of what I've shot so far is usable. Now I'm thinking I need to focus on this one and finish it up when I go back at Christmas. Another major gadget to get: the laptop to edit this on. Yes, a Mac. (my first one since 1997). The transfer of this stuff needs to happen somewhat soon. I don't like having it sitting around on tapes.

In fun, ego-gratifying, news: Adam (who hopes to be a producer someday) discovered that I'm on imdb! I suddenly feel legit. Oddly, my most recent teacher, Aron Ranen, is not there. You all should check out his doc, though: "Did We Go?" He explores whether or not we really landed on the moon in 1968.

This weekend, you all in SF area should head over to Sausalito Art Festival to check out Audrey's photos at booth #253.

dancing dancing dancing. This weekend was happily filled with dances, conversation, food and friends. I love having people over at my house.

Some interesting critiques of my room. Criticisms, really. Or concerns. See, my bedroom is also my office and right now it feels a bit more like a workspace in which I sleep. A very valid observation, I must say. Wondering what impact this has on my difficulties falling asleep. See my mind just goes full steam and is hard to shut off for sleep. Being surrounded by words and intellectual stimulation probably doesn't help.

I also met a few new people this weekend, and some friends of mine saw my house for the first time, so I was talking about myself a fair amount. Explaining or showing things that I have around my place, talking about all the maps and photos and artwork and pop-up books. I became, if anything, more aware of the randomness and volume of interests that I have, the number of different projects that I've tried to start (with varying levels of completion and/or success). I wonder at the focus that some people...most people... can maintain. I think I'm overwhelming. And that might not be all good.

So my questions about myself and my future activities and location are only amplified now. But I still had a terrific weekend. I love dancing & dancers.

Taking a break from cleaning up/out my room... Having guests over is the only motivator that works to get me to really clear this place out.

I feel like I've been on vacation for a couple of months now. It's great for me but hard on my clients and wreaking havoc on my bank account. Since I last wrote, I left town again. This time off to Seattle for a dance weekend. It was supposedly a Lindy Exchange, but we went salsa, west coast swing, and tango dancing, too. Very very fun. My guests this weekend are also dancers visiting from Seattle and Portland for a blues dancing night on Friday where I'll be DJ'ing for part of the time. Hopefully dancing most of the time.

My aunt wanted to know what I was going to do with all this dance. I told her it was just a hobby. But it's a pretty serious one, I guess. I'm getting to the point where it's hard to imagine dating someone who doesn't dance, maybe limited to those who dance well. Just what I need. Another criterion. I'm already pretty much a pain in the ass to date as it is...

I'm drinking brandy and eating apricots. Does that count as brandied apricots? Maybe I just need to hold them both in my mouth for a while.

So the crevices in my brain that are not currently occupied with work are getting filled with questions about what I'm going to do next, where I'm going to live, etc. I'm getting antsy. This is a natural result of my traveling. I know some people take a long trip and are eager to return home and get settled in. I just get the itch to continue to travel and explore. There's something out there that I haven't found yet, and I dislike being too comfortable. I'm feeling somewhere between settled and not. I wonder where I'll land. Or, more accurately, where I'll alight next. I'm not sure I'm the landing type.

oh yeah -- I landed...

Tomorrow I will have been in the US for one week. I forgot to mention this to you all. Truth be told, I didn't forget as much as I was really tired when I got back and didn't much feel like sitting and typing. This same feeling has had a negative effect on my ability to start working again...

But let's not talk about work. I have much to tell you about diving, both in Mindanao and in California.

Diving Ligid Island

So the last week I was in Davao I was consumed with diving. John said they were doing a dive to Ligid (sp?) island and suggested that I join the group. When I arrived at the shop, no one from the group was there. I thought it strange that everyone would be late, and asked John about it. At that point I learned that they were actually all in one family and that they had chartered the boat for themselves. This was (of course) after I had told another guy whose class dive had been cancelled due to bad visibility near the wreck he was scheduled to explore. We did end up crashing their dive, which they didn't mind at all. It was fun to be with a group of real divers. (In contrast to accompanying friends on "discover dives" or diving with friends who have limited amounts of experience).

Ligid Island is on the northeast side of Samal (the biggest island in the gulf). 80% of the shoreline is basically rock which juts directly out of the water, making for a cool dive site which started at about 30 feet and dropped to 90 or so at places. First we explored Ligid's caves -- which I was very excited about, being as I was looking for a new challenge and hadn't done much cave diving. In actual fact, the caves were very small and posed no particular challenge. Still, they were really cool to see. It's pretty wild to be under a roof of corals.

After lunch and a little surface time napping on the white sand beach of a little cove, we headed over to Pinnacle Point for a pretty challenging dive. The currents there are strong, with a couple of them crashing together, creating a downward current which had the odd effect of making our bubbles go down away from the surface in some areas. We dove in one direction which was initially with the current, then switched to against the current without changing our direction when we hit the meeting point. After a little while struggling with that, we reversed direction to ride the current, floated around in the current crash point for a little while and then surfaced. This area is really alive and fun to dive, although the constant water movement definitely limits visibility. We could see maybe 30-40 feet at most at any time (remember this when you read about Monterey later!). We heard that some divers have seen reef sharks there, but didn't see any on this dive. (darnit!)

Diving Coral Garden

Ahhhh.... Coral Garden. It's on Talikud Island, near Babusanta, a lovely white sand beach resort. This is the dive site I know better than any other, since I've done at least 30 and perhaps as many as 50 dives there. When I left, my buddies at Whitetip Divers were talking to folks about making it a marine sanctuary so I was extra excited about going out there to see what it looked like now. Well, the sanctuary conversations are still in process 4 years later and not much movement has happened there. I was actually quite sad when I came up from our dive because, while there was still an abundance of fish there, much of the coral was dead and the water was more full of silt than I remembered. However, it didn't look like damage from dynamite fishing and there wasn't enough development on the island to cause erosion or fertilizer pollution in the water. I asked Rowell, the divemaster, about it and he said that the area suffered during El Nino. I'm not fully sure how, but something about the months without rain followed by months of nothing but rain suffocated much of the coral and it's still trying to recover. The change was dramatic and took me by surprise. Not all the coral was dead, however, and I'm hopeful that a full recovery will happen. At some point I'll scan the photos I took last time I was there so you can see what the place can be.

After Coral Garden, we did a little beach entry dive from Babusanta which was mostly uneventful except for a stumbling across a favorite hangout for lionfish. I've never seen such a large cluster of them before. I was with a fairly novice diver who thankfully did not try to touch them -- on the surface we discovered that he had no idea that they were so poisonous. We also saw quite a number of blowfish there. A fun simple dive overall.

Diving Carmel

Back in the U.S. Getting here was uneventful and my last week was filled with naps and trying to unpack and catch up with work. Not much interesting to tell you all there.

Yesterday, however, I went diving in Monterey. Actually, we went around to Pinnacles off Carmel and then to another unnamed dive site on our way back to Monterey. I confess that the last time I went diving in Monterey, I loved simply being underwater, but didn't fully understand the point of trying to dive in an area that was sooooooo cold and where visibility was sooooo bad (around 5-10 feet). Well yesterday, we had 2 great dives, with great visibilty, about 35 feet (it's all about perspective!). We saw all kinds of crazy things, including some solo and some colonial salp (like the salp chains pictured here), lots and lots of fish of all sizes, much healthy coral, cool anemones, and all kinds weird and wacky things that I can't name. From the boat, divers spotted an 18-foot long salp chain, a grey whale, and a number of otters and seals. Once again, my "dry suit" did not keep my dry (that's 4 failures on 4 tries), but I'm told that I would have stayed warmer if it did. I may try again, or may go for a thick wetsuit next time instead. No matter, I'm always happy underwater, and I had a great time. I will dive Monterey again.

That's the update for now. I'm back stateside and happily out swing and salsa dancing again. More on my local adventures in the future.

Quick Hello & Goodbye...

Goodbye to the Philippines, that is & a hello to you all after several days' break. I've been diving, traveled to Manila, danced some more and will tell all when I have a better connection. Right now, I'm heading out tomorrow and will be back stateside on the 6th. More stories to come.

a regular travelog entry, complete with missed connections, improvisation, and beautiful scenery

The plan was simple: Jerome, Arvin, Gwyneth & I would take a ferry to a public beach resort and spend the night. Arvin preferred a tent to a hut, so J. would pick one up on his way over to meet me. Nothing is ever that simple though. First, J&I thought we should go first thing in the morning, but A. is a DI (dance instructor) so he works until 2 in the morning. I received a text (on my phone. -- for those who have not been to asia in the last 5 years) at 3:30 in the morning asking what they had to bring and if we could leave after 1pm. I said fine, I'd talk to J. in the morning, now I'm going back to sleep. Three hours later, I wake up, text J. and tell him the new schedule, he says that's fine, he's picking up a tent and would meet me at the hotel. The new meeting time is 3:30 to be at the pier at 4, since the boat leaves at 5. That's the only boat in the afternoon. I think, too bad we'll be there so late (and sun sets here around 6:30), but it's ok since we'll have the whole next day on the beach before returning.

That afternoon we arrive at the pier just before 4 to discover that the boat left an hour and half early because the waves were too big. Hm. After getting over my disorientation at having a ferry leave so incredibly ahead of schedule, we decide to take the alternate route. "Really adventure!" laughs Jerome. We pile back into our taxi and head over to the other wharf near Sasa (the cargo shipping port). This is the pier I think my family has never seen. As we walk through all the vendors' stalls in the ramshackle market, passing by all the fish, backpacks and vegetable stalls, the stares and "hello!"s we got made me guess that we were an unusual sight in this corner of town. Even Jerome, the most at home here of us all, looked out of place with his big backpack and 2 white girls in tow (ok, we're both mixed 1/2 filipina, but to just about everyone here we look white. Only other mixed people recognize us). We were crossing the gulf to one end of Samal Island on the ferry (think wooden outrigger boat with benches and seating for around 100). Once there, three of us waited behind while Jerome arranged for 2 motorcycles to take us across the island. He knew he could get a better price if he set up the deal speaking Visaya and if they didn't know that 2 of their passengers were white. So then we took a 45 minute ride across the island on some paved, some dirt roads. Some were roads which J. uses to train for the mountain biking segments of his adventure races -- just so you get an idea of their not-so-smooth quality. I had a great time, shot some bumpy video & digital stills with one hand while balancing myself and my pack with the other. A&G were a little less at ease, but they were game. Along the way we had to dodge a dog, a pig, a chicken, and a number of children in school uniforms. (No, they weren't travelling together.) The bikes dropped us in Kaputian, where we then hired a small banka (outrigger boat) to take us from Samal to Talikud Island -- just under 1/2 hour away. Barely wide enough for 2 people to sit side-by-side, A&G sat in front of the driver and J&I sat behind, where I had the tiller running under one arm and both of us propped our feet up on the sides of the boat to avoid the exhaust from the motor. Finally landing at Isla Reta, we happily discovered that we had the entire beach to ourselves. On the downside, that meant that no one was at the restaurant and we were really hungry, but J. somehow found the staff in the town, and we (eventually) had dinner. It took a long time I think because in addition to both inihaw and paksew fish, we ordered barbequed chicken. Native chicken. There's every chance that it was still alive when we ordered it. Prep takes a long time. After dinner, we wrapped up our night swimming in warm-to-me-cold-to-jerome tropical waters off a white sand beach under a full moon, then drinking and talking until our (especially my) heads were nodding.

I admit sleeping in a tent placed directly on sand is a little hard. Sand seems so much more pliable when you're not on it for very long. But it was fine. I like being in a place so warm you need no sleeping bag. Just crash out on the floor of the tent. In the morning I set up a hammock under the magnolia trees and watched the dawn fishermen. (Tip to future tropical travelers: never hang your hammock under a coconut tree. Too much danger of coconuts falling on your head). There followed a lazy day on the beach trying to get a tan to make you all jealous, and more swimming. We walked into the little town to the market (a long sectioned tiled counter with faucets outside where a woman had seafood for sale on one end and someone was doing laundry near the other), bought a fish caught that morning & had it cleaned and scaled, and had it grilled for lunch, served up with chicken soup we bought from another vendor. Somehow the boys arranged with a guy from the town to have another banka pick us up at the end of the day. Just before we left, several boats arrived with weekend visitors to Isla Reta so we had to share the beach. The real benefit for me from this was getting to try some "native goggles" offered to me by one of the boatmen. These are swimming goggles with eyecups carved out of wood and fitted with small pieces of glass, tied behind the head with string secured with a piece of rubber that looked like it was cut from a thong. They actually worked pretty well, although the eyepieces were very small and therefore rather painful. I loved trying them out and may cause a future boatman some amusement by asking to buy his goggles to bring home with me.

The return trip was completely uneventful. All boats were where they said they would be, we had no difficulties changing from one to another, and got home safely. All in all, a fine trip. Especially since I happen to love it when we have to improvise. I'm what they call here a "cowgirl", meaning that I can adapt and I am fine getting dirty. Tomorrow I go diving in a spot that's only a 15 minute boat ride away. Tonight I'll be ballroom dancing. This is what my life is like here. So do you understand why it's hard to resist all the pressure I'm getting to live here? Of course, I'd have to work if I were here. But the white sand beaches, coral gardens, dances, and unexpected adventures would still be here anytime I could slip away.

ah.... back in Davao.... only problem is I'm having a little stomach issue. Don't know if it's the major lack of sleep because of the competition stuff, the flu that's hit both Arvin and my aunt, or drinking some non-bottled water in Manila (water in Davao is fine, Manila is not). The combination of the three is not great, regardless, and so I spent last night mostly hiding out in my room. This morning, started to get a little stir crazy so I headed out and ended up here writing to you all.

a word about traffic

I haven't been to Bankok or Calcutta, but I'm told that the traffic there is worse or at least similar to Manila. Manila is a crazy place. It's a big city, but it's not "organized" (Arvin's apt expression). It's very hard to get around without a car or without spending a huge amount on taxis, but I wouldn't want to drive there if I had a car. I would be scared, really, just remarkably annoyed. Snora should never come here. They do have some traffic lights, but they're not always followed. Traffic cops are at some major intersections which really help, but again, they aren't timed to each other like lights can be so there's no such thing as traffic "flow." On the other hand, everyone assumes that no-one is following the rules, so they're all pretty cautious. The rate of traffic-related fatalities is far lower here than in the states, I believe.

Davao is not much better about rules, but at least there are fewer cars. It's hard to describe really what it's like on these roads. Crossing the street is a test of will, but you soon learn that drivers will stop or at least slow down so that you can cross. Additionally, there aren't really sidewalks to speak of in some areas so there's a feeling of general chaos. What you'd see if you were here:

vehicles
private cars -- mostly darkened windows so there's no way to see if the driver sees you or not.
jeepneys -- open air public transportation cars who will slow down if you need to cross, but who will also try to get you to hop on for a ride making for a bizarre experience where you're trying to both ignore them and pay close attention to what the heck they're going to do while you're trying to cross in front of them. The farther away from the city you get, the more likely you are to see people riding on the roof and hood of a jeepney, along with all kinds of baskets, bags, and construction materials, maximizing the use of all vehicles in areas where they are scarce. Riding on jeepneys here makes me laugh when I get back to the states and people say "there's no where to sit" when riding the F trains if they can't sit without touching someone.
taxis -- everpresent, these little white cars are divided into air-con and non-air-con (with and without air conditioning). For pedestrian purposes, this only means that the windows would be open or not which might affect their ability to hear you yell (which no one does. This is not NYC). Generally, the taxi drivers are good, albeit scarily aggressive, drivers. I remain fascinated by the decor on the inside of the taxis. The current trend seems towards fist-sized stuffed animals suspended on strings and hanging from suction cups in the front window. Last time I was here, everyone was sporting the seven dwarves from snow white -- sometimes, however, 7 of the same dwarf. I'm sad that they've been replaced by pokemons and the powerpuff girls.
pedi-cabs -- dirtbikes (motorized) with a sidecar attached. The side car is originally designed for two people (making three with the motorcycle driver), but I've seen as many as 5-6 on one. This renders the already non-agile vehicle nearly totally unmaneuverable, although it is slow and easy to dodge as a pedestrian. These vehicles are not in the very center of the city, but exist primarily on the slightly less trafficked outer areas.
tricycles -- bicycles with a sidecar attached. These are mostly seen on the side of major roads, and they provide a way into all the housing areas after people transfer from jeepneys. They are slow and cumbersome and I mostly feel really badly for the young boys who are pedaling so hard in this tropical heat so that people carrying groceries or returning schoolchildren don't have to walk. Their main impact on traffic is in becoming objects which cause private cars and jeepneys to suddenly swerve across lane lines (providing they were in a lane in the first place).
motorcycles/motocross bikes -- lots of these. They're small and easy to walk around.
skylabs -- everywhere in rural areas, not in the cities, skylabs are usually 250cc motorcycles/dirtbikes with a board strapped perpendicular to the seat, enabling additional riders to sit on the ends of the board, increasing the maximum load from 3 or 4 to 5 or even 7 riders. Riders are on the handlebars, behind the driver, on the tank, and on the ends of the board. Riding on one is an amazing experience. You should try it. They earn their name from the cross shape created by the board, a shape reminiscent of the sky-lab.

Adding to the foreign pedestrian's panic is the incessant blaring of horns from cars and jeepneys. Some jeepney horns are very musical, designed to get your attention so you jump on. Mostly, though, you hear 2-3 toots from all vehicles every 10-30 feet warning someone (another vehicle, a pedestrian, a potential anything that might possibly be entering the road at an intersection) that a vehicle is coming and it intends to take the right of way. I ended up taping some of this if you are interested in hearing it. It's like nothing else. Perhaps the greatest oddity is that I get used to it.

Mass for Fr. Finster
In a very different vein, tonight I speak at a mass for a priest who was a great friend to our family and who just passed away. It's odd, in my California life, to think about haivng something like a "family priest," or even a priest who is a friend of the family. But there are two or more parts to my life. In the future, I'll talk about catholism and all that. Tonight I must get ready for mass.